Its 7.30am and time for handover in my ward but there is a bit commotion outside the office. Sister Mary Poppins opens the door and peers in. She stares over at me. I ask myself what have I done now, while the dread wells up inside me like the pan of milk that overheats.
‘You will need to go to another ward as they are short of care assistants’, she states. Her eyes look blood shot and the veins on her forehead show as she speaks at me as though I do not comprehend her. Her hair is tied up but messy and has no shine, resembling the appearance of straw haphazardly thrown on to an old birds nest. I wonder when I will stop being used as a care assistant. It is hardly surprising that nurses have no experience if we are commonly used as care assistants. Care assistants as students, care assistants as nurses. When do we get our actual clinical experience? We are blamed by our seniors if we show lack of knowledge or ability. It is also not wise to ask questions of other nursing staff because we do not get the answers and they assume that if we need to ask we have no grey matter. I am on the bottom rung of a greasy ladder which has just two bottom rungs while the rest are missing. To get a foothold at all is impossible and the grease is applied thicker and thicker. Those that have managed to get up this ladder have either put up with this grease for years or have climbed by showing the ability to apply more grease to ensure others cannot get up. Some past options may have been to build relationships with seniors the equivalent of the casting couch. I am not suggesting that anyone ever did!
Who Killed Bambi?
I have no interest in struggling up this greasy ladder but a foothold would be an accomplishment. No signs yet, so I will need to keep slipping and sliding around on this bottom rung a little like Bambi attempting to stand up on the ice. Many of my friends who became nurses have now left after falling too many times from the ladder. My time may still come! So many things I do not know as a nurse yet my blue epaulets inform me otherwise. For other nurses to give me the benefit of their knowledge may make them show either their lack of knowledge or that they may have competition on the ladder. There are still some exceptions and these nurses are the true gems in the NHS, the real Florence Nightingales. These nurses usually do not get much further up the ladder but have got a good foothold and are willing to show new nurses everything. What happened to the good nurses, there are not many left? Some years ago nurses were few and there were many Government incentives to get nurses to work for the NHS. Attracted by these offers everyone flooded in and it did not matter if these people cared about patients or not. What mattered was that these people got a career and some money. Who cares, they don’t.
Will The Real Staff Nurse Please Stand Up?
As I stand up apprehensively to walk to the ward I need to go too I wonder what will be expected of me today. I wander in to a ward which I have not yet experienced and walk up to the nurses’ station. I have now missed handover but am told I can listen to it on tape. I go in and listen to a nurse speak about patients as though if she were to slow down she would explode, like the film Speed, in which the bus needs to maintain a steady speed and if it slows it will blow up. I could hardly make out anything, the terminology was all abbreviated and I was not familiar with this speciality. I wondered if I am a care assistant, does that mean that if I make a mistake will I be treated as a nurse or care assistant. Could I still lose my registration? I am a nurse, so I guess I could. As I am a care assistant today I am automatically bossed about by the other care assistants. There is a new student on this ward and she stands at the nurses’ station awaiting her instruction but she may as well be invisible because no one speaks to her. I ask her if anyone has spoken to her yet to which she states that they have not. I inform her who I am and ask about her course. She states that this is her first placement and she is not aware of what to do. I said I was unfamiliar too with this ward but I was willing to give her any guidance I could. The patients need lots of support as few have the ability to do much on their own. I am basically a slave to the nurses and care assistants, just an extra pair of hands.
In Walks Jack Dee
I just get on and most of what I do is washing and toileting. I work with a care assistant and we make connections with friends we know. This is a good start. He reminded me a bit of Jack Dee the comedian, very straight faced but absolutely hilarious. He was very good with patients too and had a way of keeping up their spirits. We had a good laugh at work which is the first I have had and it somehow felt abnormal to laugh. He asked where I normally work and I told him. He laughed and told me Sister Poppins was not a good boss. He said he had worked a few shifts in her ward and she was really mean to him. I told him he was really good with patients and he should become a nurse. He laughed out loudly at me as though I had touched a raw nerve. He told me the whole story of how he had been given the opportunity to study for Nursing while working as a care assistant funded by the NHS. He told me he had competencies to be signed but no-one would sign them for him. He said he tried in vain but no other nurse would support him, so the time passed when he was supposed to hand in his booklet and nothing was signed. He had tears in his eyes and the light had gone out of his face. He informed me that he had another job and he would start in a few weeks. He said he would never become a nurse as he was disillusioned and could see how many bad nurses there were. I felt sorry for him but knew I could not say anything to make him feel better.
A Dog is Not Just for Christmas!
It was now time for my morning break. My back hurt because we had a very large patient and despite best attempts at using slide sheets to haul people around in bed, great exertion is still needed. For a patient of this size more nurses should be helping to move her but despite great efforts no-one came to help. We couldn’t leave the patient soaked in urine! I went to the changing room to freshen up and combed my short blonde streaked hair. I looked into the mirror at the dark bags matching my brown eyes. I sat down in the staff room to eat my bowl of cereal and there were many nurses sat having morning break. No-one spoke to me as they were all engrossed in conversation. One of the nurses said she was reported by another nurse because she was accused of ignoring new staff. She angrily said in a louder voice ‘everyone knows I do not speak to new people, it takes me ages to get to know people.’ I looked up from my rapidly disappearing cereal to see a girl in her twenties and without judging her appearance could be construed as clinically obese according to the Body Mass Index. Her breakfast consisted of sugar puffs, a chocolate doughnut and a bag of crisps followed by a can of fizzy cola. I thought to myself about the job specification and the skills and qualities required. I know we should all have good interpersonal skills. Did she lie to get her job when she said she had them, what about being a good team player? How can you work in a team if you cannot speak to people? Their conversation moved on to Christmas off duty, it is without a doubt the biggest event in nursing each year. The Sister from this ward wants the staff with children to have Christmas day off. Her reasoning is that children should not be deprived off their parents on Christmas day if possible and that childcare facilities are not open. I did not think any of these nurses had children because from what I could gather they were against these rules. One nurse piped up saying that sister also wants proof of those looking after children. She went on to say, ‘but I have care needs too, my dog needs looking after while I am in here’. I almost choked on the last spoonful of my cereal. Did she really think this was a reasoned argument? I sat thinking about the two scenarios. What would happen if the nurse leaves her dog in the house all day while at work? Perhaps a bit barking, perhaps a bit doggy pooh, perhaps a few chew marks in shoes and slippers. Oh dear! Then imagine a nurse leaving a three year old child alone in the house while at work because sister says no to the day off. Well child cries and cries until neighbours realise. Police kick down the door. Mother is carted off to prison with a rally of hatred cries behind her, while the news paper headlines state ‘Evil Nurse Mother Struck off as She Leaves Three Year Old While at Work’ Social Work remove child. I guess it is not difficult to grasp the sister’s reasoning for allowing parents with children time off for Christmas, in fact although I have not met her I am impressed with her idea. It is a shame her staff are not. I wished Mary Poppins came up with this idea I need to find child minders yet for Christmas because I am expected to work.
The Pleasure and the Pain
I continue for the rest of the shift and at lunch I am faced with the same staff as I find my cheese roll hard to swallow. A nurse comes in and they all go quiet, I was suddenly aware of my eating sounds inside my own head. The nurse looks awkward and is tearful and abruptly goes back out. I wonder what is going on. The nurses burst out laughing. One of them says ‘I don’t know what is wrong with her, we need to be firm to show her where she is going wrong and she should know about those sheets to fill in, I don’t think they teach new nurses anything at university, they are all thick’. Another nurse said ‘yeah like if you don’t know something it’s up to you to find out’. I thought, but if you do not know if the sheet is there in the first place, how can you make sure you know about it? They went on to moan about all the patients discussing all their personal issues and conditions, like a bunch of hyenas laughing and eating away at the carcasses. We all need a sense of humour but some of this put a bad taste in my mouth. I had heard too much, my previous view that all nurses are educated had just flown out the window and soared high into the cold winter sky and did not stop when it reached space, going off into infinity. It dawned on me like a sledgehammer to the head that these people who are supposed to care are not caring people at all. It was like seeing inside the real NHS for the first time, I was peering inside the brains of the NHS and it was not all nice. I thought what it would be like should any of my relations take ill and become patients here. I tried to speak to other nurses several times throughout the day but most did not want to converse in any way, so although, most of my shift has been in isolation at least I had a friend to talk too, Jack Dee had raised my spirits today with his jokes. I smile in my car thinking about Jack Dee's jokes as I go home exhausted but at least I smile. As for my next shift who knows whether I will keep my footing on the greasy rung of the ladder. Cheers Jack, wherever you are.
‘You will need to go to another ward as they are short of care assistants’, she states. Her eyes look blood shot and the veins on her forehead show as she speaks at me as though I do not comprehend her. Her hair is tied up but messy and has no shine, resembling the appearance of straw haphazardly thrown on to an old birds nest. I wonder when I will stop being used as a care assistant. It is hardly surprising that nurses have no experience if we are commonly used as care assistants. Care assistants as students, care assistants as nurses. When do we get our actual clinical experience? We are blamed by our seniors if we show lack of knowledge or ability. It is also not wise to ask questions of other nursing staff because we do not get the answers and they assume that if we need to ask we have no grey matter. I am on the bottom rung of a greasy ladder which has just two bottom rungs while the rest are missing. To get a foothold at all is impossible and the grease is applied thicker and thicker. Those that have managed to get up this ladder have either put up with this grease for years or have climbed by showing the ability to apply more grease to ensure others cannot get up. Some past options may have been to build relationships with seniors the equivalent of the casting couch. I am not suggesting that anyone ever did!
Who Killed Bambi?
I have no interest in struggling up this greasy ladder but a foothold would be an accomplishment. No signs yet, so I will need to keep slipping and sliding around on this bottom rung a little like Bambi attempting to stand up on the ice. Many of my friends who became nurses have now left after falling too many times from the ladder. My time may still come! So many things I do not know as a nurse yet my blue epaulets inform me otherwise. For other nurses to give me the benefit of their knowledge may make them show either their lack of knowledge or that they may have competition on the ladder. There are still some exceptions and these nurses are the true gems in the NHS, the real Florence Nightingales. These nurses usually do not get much further up the ladder but have got a good foothold and are willing to show new nurses everything. What happened to the good nurses, there are not many left? Some years ago nurses were few and there were many Government incentives to get nurses to work for the NHS. Attracted by these offers everyone flooded in and it did not matter if these people cared about patients or not. What mattered was that these people got a career and some money. Who cares, they don’t.
Will The Real Staff Nurse Please Stand Up?
As I stand up apprehensively to walk to the ward I need to go too I wonder what will be expected of me today. I wander in to a ward which I have not yet experienced and walk up to the nurses’ station. I have now missed handover but am told I can listen to it on tape. I go in and listen to a nurse speak about patients as though if she were to slow down she would explode, like the film Speed, in which the bus needs to maintain a steady speed and if it slows it will blow up. I could hardly make out anything, the terminology was all abbreviated and I was not familiar with this speciality. I wondered if I am a care assistant, does that mean that if I make a mistake will I be treated as a nurse or care assistant. Could I still lose my registration? I am a nurse, so I guess I could. As I am a care assistant today I am automatically bossed about by the other care assistants. There is a new student on this ward and she stands at the nurses’ station awaiting her instruction but she may as well be invisible because no one speaks to her. I ask her if anyone has spoken to her yet to which she states that they have not. I inform her who I am and ask about her course. She states that this is her first placement and she is not aware of what to do. I said I was unfamiliar too with this ward but I was willing to give her any guidance I could. The patients need lots of support as few have the ability to do much on their own. I am basically a slave to the nurses and care assistants, just an extra pair of hands.
In Walks Jack Dee
I just get on and most of what I do is washing and toileting. I work with a care assistant and we make connections with friends we know. This is a good start. He reminded me a bit of Jack Dee the comedian, very straight faced but absolutely hilarious. He was very good with patients too and had a way of keeping up their spirits. We had a good laugh at work which is the first I have had and it somehow felt abnormal to laugh. He asked where I normally work and I told him. He laughed and told me Sister Poppins was not a good boss. He said he had worked a few shifts in her ward and she was really mean to him. I told him he was really good with patients and he should become a nurse. He laughed out loudly at me as though I had touched a raw nerve. He told me the whole story of how he had been given the opportunity to study for Nursing while working as a care assistant funded by the NHS. He told me he had competencies to be signed but no-one would sign them for him. He said he tried in vain but no other nurse would support him, so the time passed when he was supposed to hand in his booklet and nothing was signed. He had tears in his eyes and the light had gone out of his face. He informed me that he had another job and he would start in a few weeks. He said he would never become a nurse as he was disillusioned and could see how many bad nurses there were. I felt sorry for him but knew I could not say anything to make him feel better.
A Dog is Not Just for Christmas!
It was now time for my morning break. My back hurt because we had a very large patient and despite best attempts at using slide sheets to haul people around in bed, great exertion is still needed. For a patient of this size more nurses should be helping to move her but despite great efforts no-one came to help. We couldn’t leave the patient soaked in urine! I went to the changing room to freshen up and combed my short blonde streaked hair. I looked into the mirror at the dark bags matching my brown eyes. I sat down in the staff room to eat my bowl of cereal and there were many nurses sat having morning break. No-one spoke to me as they were all engrossed in conversation. One of the nurses said she was reported by another nurse because she was accused of ignoring new staff. She angrily said in a louder voice ‘everyone knows I do not speak to new people, it takes me ages to get to know people.’ I looked up from my rapidly disappearing cereal to see a girl in her twenties and without judging her appearance could be construed as clinically obese according to the Body Mass Index. Her breakfast consisted of sugar puffs, a chocolate doughnut and a bag of crisps followed by a can of fizzy cola. I thought to myself about the job specification and the skills and qualities required. I know we should all have good interpersonal skills. Did she lie to get her job when she said she had them, what about being a good team player? How can you work in a team if you cannot speak to people? Their conversation moved on to Christmas off duty, it is without a doubt the biggest event in nursing each year. The Sister from this ward wants the staff with children to have Christmas day off. Her reasoning is that children should not be deprived off their parents on Christmas day if possible and that childcare facilities are not open. I did not think any of these nurses had children because from what I could gather they were against these rules. One nurse piped up saying that sister also wants proof of those looking after children. She went on to say, ‘but I have care needs too, my dog needs looking after while I am in here’. I almost choked on the last spoonful of my cereal. Did she really think this was a reasoned argument? I sat thinking about the two scenarios. What would happen if the nurse leaves her dog in the house all day while at work? Perhaps a bit barking, perhaps a bit doggy pooh, perhaps a few chew marks in shoes and slippers. Oh dear! Then imagine a nurse leaving a three year old child alone in the house while at work because sister says no to the day off. Well child cries and cries until neighbours realise. Police kick down the door. Mother is carted off to prison with a rally of hatred cries behind her, while the news paper headlines state ‘Evil Nurse Mother Struck off as She Leaves Three Year Old While at Work’ Social Work remove child. I guess it is not difficult to grasp the sister’s reasoning for allowing parents with children time off for Christmas, in fact although I have not met her I am impressed with her idea. It is a shame her staff are not. I wished Mary Poppins came up with this idea I need to find child minders yet for Christmas because I am expected to work.
The Pleasure and the Pain
I continue for the rest of the shift and at lunch I am faced with the same staff as I find my cheese roll hard to swallow. A nurse comes in and they all go quiet, I was suddenly aware of my eating sounds inside my own head. The nurse looks awkward and is tearful and abruptly goes back out. I wonder what is going on. The nurses burst out laughing. One of them says ‘I don’t know what is wrong with her, we need to be firm to show her where she is going wrong and she should know about those sheets to fill in, I don’t think they teach new nurses anything at university, they are all thick’. Another nurse said ‘yeah like if you don’t know something it’s up to you to find out’. I thought, but if you do not know if the sheet is there in the first place, how can you make sure you know about it? They went on to moan about all the patients discussing all their personal issues and conditions, like a bunch of hyenas laughing and eating away at the carcasses. We all need a sense of humour but some of this put a bad taste in my mouth. I had heard too much, my previous view that all nurses are educated had just flown out the window and soared high into the cold winter sky and did not stop when it reached space, going off into infinity. It dawned on me like a sledgehammer to the head that these people who are supposed to care are not caring people at all. It was like seeing inside the real NHS for the first time, I was peering inside the brains of the NHS and it was not all nice. I thought what it would be like should any of my relations take ill and become patients here. I tried to speak to other nurses several times throughout the day but most did not want to converse in any way, so although, most of my shift has been in isolation at least I had a friend to talk too, Jack Dee had raised my spirits today with his jokes. I smile in my car thinking about Jack Dee's jokes as I go home exhausted but at least I smile. As for my next shift who knows whether I will keep my footing on the greasy rung of the ladder. Cheers Jack, wherever you are.
